In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
