Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
