I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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