Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
