these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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