Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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