My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
