i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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