I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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