i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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