Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
