drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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