is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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