Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
