I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
kristin has been a bad kristin
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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