I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A bitchslap is in order.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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