I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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