she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
