Need sex. Gaining weight.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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