just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am naked and annoyed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
