idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm just crazy horny about you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
