I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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