I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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