Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
