Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
