why didn't you poke me back
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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