Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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