PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
