i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
