Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
