Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
