I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
