Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
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I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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