The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
