Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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