FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
