is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
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five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
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I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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