Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
