I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
