It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize