Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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