Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
