Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
