I looked at my own cervix.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
