Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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