His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this will be a night to untag.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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