Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
