i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize