We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
