I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
