you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As shirtless as possible
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
