so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
