Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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