she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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