my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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