Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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