3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
