Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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