Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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