I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.