I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
