if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.