On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?