Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
