he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize